In the gap between the two trapezes
If the answers don't lie in full tilt Western medicine or full tilt natural medicine, they must be somewhere in between
I admit to finding it difficult to sum up my wide myriad of medical experiences most of the time. By now you probably know that I’m not that into Western medicine. I’m more into a camp I’ll call (for the sake of brevity in this entry) “natural” medicine– and by that I mean naturopathic stuff, yogic stuff, spiritual stuff, herbs etc. But with one of my mainstay ailments I’ve been finding it hard/impossible to subscribe to just natural stuff in entirety, so I’m here today to talk about the grey space between lanes of healing. Let’s dive into my chronic dry eyes.
I’ve had chronic dry eyes since high school, I somehow got pink eye one year and swear my eyes (in particular my left eye) have never been the same– though no one ever believes me about this. I’ve been bopping around ophthalmologists since then and its been one of my more lackluster diagnoses– 9/10 times I’m told to just use copious amount of artificial tears. My dry eyes are probably actually related to my autoimmune stuff– if you have already have autoimmune diseases you’re much more likely to acquire more, and most doctors consider dry eyes autoimmune. But it doesn’t really fill me with joy to acquire the label of having yet another “disease”, so I’ve largely done what I can to forget about this issue, and a lot of time that seems to have worked? Especially as I subscribe to the theory that your body always has to sort of choose one problem to focus on– I feel like I somehow knocked dry eyes to the bottom of the list and/or my brain ran out of free neurons to devote to this concern.
But a few years ago I started having a lot of trouble again, and in a bit of a different way– I was getting styes. Styes are very uncomfortable not to mention unsightly. Also if you ever want to really freak yourself out, look up the surgical procedure for draining a stye. I actually went as far as to schedule an appointment at a surgery place in San Diego, where I would be for yoga training anyways. I was bracing for the worst when, already in San Diego and days out from this appointment, I successfully cured the issue myself by applying warm green tea bags to my eyelid. Moments like this obviously make me want to be like– natural medicine for the win!!!
But from here my classic dry eye presentation kept coming back. I went to the ophthalmologist again in Jackson and, frustrated by the singular suggestion of artificial tears, asked her if I could try tearduct plugs. Tearduct plugs I had one time as a teen, and they may have helped. They are basically tiny plugs placed inside your lower lid tearducts, and they help your eyes retain moisture by decreasing the speed at which tears are drained. She liked the idea but wouldn’t give them to me, since I was pretty fresh off the styes which are a situation in which you do need all that drainage capability. I was told to, of course, keep going with artificial tears. But also to try fish oil, which I didn’t do since I was already maxed out on supplement and Rx things at the time. Again, entering a period where the dry eyes somehow fell from my consciousness.
But a few months ago here in Boulder, they came back, like really back. I’m a graphic designer as my main hustle so I clock a lot of time looking at a screen. It was getting to the point where my vision was getting a teensy bit blurred because they were that dry, and I couldn’t look at my phone or watch TV at night. I started going to sleep at 9 or earlier just so my eyes didn’t have to be open anymore. First I held a zeal for the natural approach– I asked my naturopath for recommendations and she suggested dabbing castor oil in the corner of each eye at night. This did nothing for me. Then I went to the place here in Boulder I’ve affectionately dubbed the “witch apothecary” (more about this in previous entries) and asked them for ideas. They made me a custom mix of herbs to brew and apply to each eyelid via a warm washcloth, but after looking far and wide all over the internet I found the herbs selected to be completely unsubstantiated. I learned, I guess, that I can’t just operate off pure hippie faith, I need some sort of factual data too.
I netted out at subscribing to the following things:
Fish oil, after all. It basically makes sense to me, and was an easy pivot from cod liver oil which I’d been trying for autoimmune support reasons. (Fish oil is more touted for dry eye care than cod liver oil).
Sleeping with a humidifier at night (and I got a really cute one!) This makes sense to me too, especially given I’m living in the dry climate of Colorado.
Applying a warm washcloth to my eyes first thing each morning. This makes the cut just because its insanely easy, and feels nice. Rationale here is that warm/moist compresses help loosen any buildup from your eyelid oil glands, and a better flow of oil = more lubricated eyes
I love my little trio now and have no problem doing all this stuff for basically ever– but I knew pretty quickly these routines alone weren’t going to shift the needle enough to bring immediate relief to such an ingrained issue. I caved and made an appointment with an ophthalmologist in Boulder. I want to say I like the guy since he finally gave me tearduct plugs like I wanted. He also suggested a different kind of eye drop which has higher oil content and seems to work a lot better for me. But also it was a very Western medicine-y experience in that it has cost me hundreds of dollars and taken me down some baffling lanes of reason. The tearduct plugs cost about $200 each, and the one in my left eye just fell out for the second time. Yes, he replaced it last time for free. But why does it keep falling out? And how are we arriving at these price points– it takes him literally 20 seconds to put in the plugs, so it can’t possibly be based on his time. It must then be based on the cost of the material of the plugs– but I was told its the same material used in sutures. Surely much more of that material is needed if you’re going to sew up a gash on someone’s leg, so how would a tiny 3mm plug cost me $200 a pop? The experience also came with classic Western medicine hallmarks like them processing my insurance incorrectly the first time, and my having existential thoughts about now having what I’ve dubbed to my friends as “bionic eyes”. Also, LOL, the tearduct plugs dissolve after 3 months so even if I love them, I’ll have to do this all again soon.
So back to my initial launching point– Western medicine vs. natural medicine, which is best? Maybe the answers lie (to quote my favorite Coldplay song) “in the gap between the two trapezes”. The trapeze of Western medicine can deliver quick and dramatic results, but can come with a lot of expense and bafflement and solutions that are fleeting. The trapeze of natural medicine is a gentler and more sustainable ride but can’t always kick an ingrained problem back uphill or deliver immediate, tangible improvement. Which nets us out at, you guessed it, the messy place in between. The place that’s hard to define, but at least is honest and born out of the lived experience of having given it all a shot. For me that means I’ll probably, gulp, try for the third time to get my tearduct plug replaced. But I’ll also keep up with my new little natural trifecta. Swinging back and forth as I please, an acrobat of healing.
p.s. I wrote this entire article before realizing that the song I named it after literally has the word teardrop in the title 😆🙏🏼✨